As we move towards the festive season, I would like to remind readers that this is a time for giving, and giving generously. So, in keeping with the spirit of Christmas, I propose to do so. In this short missive, I will be generously giving the middle finger to a host of seasonal bollocks and those richly deserving of the stiffy. So, in no particular order, I give you:

Anyone who decorates their house in a way which threatens the viability of the national grid; in fact, fuck it – anyone who decorates their house.

Anyone who eats turkey on Christmas Day. On behalf of turkeys everywhere……fuck you! You all deserve stuffing, right where the Christmas lights don’t shine.

The Queen: hard not to get indigestion watching the crone, even for ten minutes.

German Christmas markets: what the fuck do these have to do with Christmas? Or maybe Jesus was born in Berlin. Cheap crap sold out of converted pine sheds….big fucking deal!

Every supermarket which insists on playing the following shite on a loop: Merry Christmas Everybody, I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day, Last Christmas, Let It Snow, Stop the Cavalry, Fairytale of New York, So This Is Christmas. I’ll have a sick bag for Christmas, please.

Bob Geldof. Enough said.

And if anyone is offended…….I couldn’t give one.

Merry Christmas, you arse, let’s pray God it’s our last.