The Daily Mail has just announced that the paper is to change its name for the first time in its 114 year history. Editor Paul Dacre has confirmed that in light of its editorial decision to focus exclusively on stories relating to Susanna Reid’s legs, the paper will henceforth be known as ‘The Daily Reid’.
Of course, this week has seen ITV launch its new early morning show ‘Good Morning Britain’, having managed to suck every drop of BBC blood willingly from Susanna Reid’s veins with the help of a salary of several hundred thousand pounds a year. The show did not get off to the most auspicious of starts, however, when several million testosterone-fuelled, hard-core ‘early risers’ (no pun intended) realised that Ms Reid was sat behind a desk and therefore failing to provide a single opportunity for viewers to glimpse her underwear. Taking to ‘Twitter’ in their thousands, complaints flooded in about this affront to quality journalism.
In response, ITV has now decided to appease its disgruntled viewers in a commercially satisfactory manner. They are going to drill a small hole in the desk (roughly five centimetres in diameter) and place a small camera in the hole, strategically positioned to provide optimum opportunity for viewers to catch a glimpse up Ms Reid’s skirt at reasonably regular intervals. The innovation, to be known as ‘LegCam’, will be available via the red button on payment of an additional subscription of £45 per month.
Producer of the programme, Ivor Hardon, said “Of course, the problem will be that any viewer who takes advantage of LegCam will not be able to actually hear a word Susanna has to say, but we think that many will agree that this will be a substantial improvement on the current format.”