Pressure is mounting on the BBC to sack Jeremy Clarkson following further complaints about his use of ‘inappropriate language’. In a remarkable turn of events, it has also been revealed that the ‘N word’ has taken legal advice from leading defamation solicitors Starta-Ruck and is intending to sue Clarkson and the BBC over the incident.

Speaking on behalf of the ‘N word’, lawyer Georgina Litty-Gation said “Our client has nothing to say at this time other than to express its deep distress at being used by Clarkson, and feels that its reputation has been severely besmirched by its current association with that man.  We will be serving proceedings imminently against both Clarkson and the BBC for substantial damages which we anticipate the BBC will pay without even reading the papers, as it usually does.

We would also wish to put on record that we have been instructed by the ‘C word’, and will be taking an injunction out against anyone who dares to refer to Clarkson by the use of that name, which we would consider to be a serious breach of the ‘C word’s’ intellectual property rights. We currently have a dedicated team who are scouring Twitter accounts for any breaches and will not hesitate to sue anyone who uses the name inappropriately.”

Within minutes of that announcement, Starta-Ruck were being threatened with legal proceedings themselves by rival defamation specialists Payup-Quick. A spokesperson for that firm said “We have been contacted by the Association for Sex Equality, who have objected strenuously to the use of the word ‘sue’ by Miss Litty-Gation. We consider that it constitutes a serious breach of sex equality legislation and will be commencing proceedings immediately for an injunction and ludicrously high damages against anyone who uses the word ‘sue’ in any context other than as a proper noun.  This kind of inappropriate use of language is only perpetuating sexual inequality, and keeping women in a state of perpetual subjugation.

We have also been instructed by the Alphabet Equality Commission, in relation to allegations being raised by the twenty-four other letters of the alphabet who feel that they are being unfairly discriminated against. All of them feel that both the ‘N word’ and the ‘C word’ are being given preferential status and will be seeking astronomical damages against them both and an injunction preventing the use of any letters in any circumstances whatsoever pending final resolution of this matter.”