The ramifications of the Nigel Evans trial rumbles on. The Conservative MP for Ribble Valley, recently acquitted at Preston Crown Court in relation to nine alleged sexual offences, has claimed that the cost of defending himself has wiped out his life savings of £130,000, and he is now demanding that the Crown Prosecution Service repay his legal expenses.

Romperredes has received a transcript, currently in the process of being authenticated, of a conversation which allegedly took place earlier this evening in the ‘Cock & Bull’ public house in Bamber Bridge between Mr Evans and his current researcher, Flavius Alcock .

Nigel: Oh god, Flavius. I really am pissed.

Flavius: Really, Mr Evans? But it is only quarter to eight!

Nigel: No, Flavius, not DRUNK. I’m pissed off!

Flavius: I’m not surprised, Mr Evans. This beer is not only f**king expensive, but it is a bit gassy. By the way, does yours have the heavy taste of whisky too, or is it just me?

Nigel: You really are an arse, Flavius, although a very nice one, if I may say so.

Flavius: Thank you very much, Mr Evans. So, why are you so upset?

Nigel: Isn’t it obvious? I owe £130,000, and it’s going to leave me on my back.

Landlord: It’s normally the alcohol that does that to him, laddie. [chuckles from around the bar]

Sid [a regular in ‘The Cock’]: What happened to the £130,000, Nigel?

Nigel: My lawyer trousered it! [chuckles from around the bar]

Landlord: At least he didn’t ‘trouser’ anything else! [bar falls about in hysterics].

Nigel: It just isn’t fair, Flavius. I have been shafted.

Flavius: Well, as long as it was consensual, Mr Evans.

Landlord: He isn’t used to being shafted, laddie.

Nigel [to landlord]: It was a bum rap, and you know it!

Eric [drunk customer in the corner, shouts]: Hey, Nige. I heard you got off. [raucous laughter in the pub]

Landlord: He’s certainly used to getting off!

Nigel: What I really need now is someone with a big wad to help me out.

Flavius [looking down]: I’m not sure I can help there, Mr Evans. But let me buy you another pint. [Puts his hand into his trouser pockets and fumbles for some loose cash].

Nigel: Do you need any help there, Flavius? Maybe your pockets have a hole in them [Reaches hand to the waistband of Flavius’ trousers……..to be continued]

 

 

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