(a man with a very long barge pole gives apologies to Katy Perry)


Remember when my songs were all carefree?

Didn’t take myself so seriously.

Then I married Russell Brand. And it all got out of hand.

I guess that I forgot I had a choice,

And mentally went past my breaking point

Now time to right some wrongs, with the lyrics in my songs


Don’t you know who I am? I’m Katy Perry! (HEY!)

No man’s gonna reject me.

But after three weeks men run away

I’ll spend a lifetime, making them pay.

Marriage broke down, we split up (HEY!)

Get ready, ‘cause I’m all f**ked up

I’ll make a vid turning him to dust



I’ve got the mind of an unhinged psycho

Who just cannot let go

‘Cause I’ve lost my mind and

I’m gonna make damn sure

Loser, you’re gonna know

That you’ve p*ssed me off, and

I’m gonna go to war

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

This is one way to stalk.



Whatever happened to ‘I Kissed A Girl’?

Maybe I’d have more luck in that world.

I know that I once sung, ‘California Girls’ are fun.


Now it’s happened to me, once again. (HEY!)

What’s wrong with these f**king men?

Now John has gone, I am p*ssed

And I need to see a hypnotist.

You walked out, I wrote this song (HEY!)

To convince the world that I am strong.

But I’m screwed up, you see it now



If you leave me you’ll need some protection,

I can’t take rejection

Just like a teenager,  slamming her bedroom door

Oh, and…didn’t I mention?

I am so f**king famous

My waxwork is in Tussauds

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh

I am an attention whore.