The Daily Mail has revealed today that Ryanair CEO Michael O’Leary has been ‘forced to apologise’ for an opening comment he made to the British-Irish Parliamentary Assembly. So outraged was the Daily Mail that it felt compelled to share the minutiae of the comment with millions of people who probably would never have heard of it had the newspaper’s overwhelming sense of morality not compelled it to publish the story. That has at least allowed several million people who were previously ignorant of this moral outrage to both become aware of it and, at the same time, become equally – if not more – outraged than those who heard it live.

In order to work people up sufficiently to ensure they were foaming at the mouth and opening their garages to grab the nearest pitchfork, of course we had to know exactly what it was that was said. So I quote: ‘Addressing such an august body as this reminds me much of making love to the Queen of England – you know it is a great honour, you’re just not sure how much pleasure it is going to be.’

First of all, ‘forced to apologise’? It seems that a Tory MP present at the Assembly, Andrew ‘Buster’ Rosindell, took objection to what O’Leary had to say, and demanded an apology, which O’Leary duly gave. ‘I happily apologise for my opening remarks. It is always hard to judge the room. It normally is a joke that works quite well and I thought it might work well here.’

Nobody forced anyone to apologise. O’Leary could have simply told Rosindell to f**k off. At the end of the day, to suggest O’Leary had done this spontaneously is probably far-fetched. Nobody gives a speech without thinking what they are going to say; particular so when you are going to talk about sex with the Queen. So, if you have thought about it, and done it, then you have no need to apologise. That said, I would be interested to know exactly where ‘normally’ this particular joke ‘works quite well’; in a pub full of drunk republicans?

I rather like the idea that the Queen could turn this all around and make a poignant joke of it herself, probably during her Christmas speech. ‘Addressing such an ignorant bunch of gullible t*ats like you always reminds me of the fact that I am screwing each and every one of you every day – not only is it an honour, it is a pleasure to rip your hard-earned cash from your sweaty hands and then wave it in your faces. Now enjoy your fish and chips.’