Having come across probably the worst blog I have ever seen recently, I felt compelled to pay it suitable homage. I can do no better than draw upon the vapid contribution to what passes for the ‘music scene’ in 2014 by those purveyors of relentless, repetitive dross, Will.I.Am and Britney Spears, to convey my total and utter disbelief that a human being could create such twaddle. It really should come with a health warning, as should the following!


(Apologies to Will.I.Am – and Britney Spears!)


Tweet the action


You’ll want to hit me with a club

When you read my blogs

‘cause my writing’s cods

And my grammar sucks,

You see me with and my butt,

All lies and arse

My blog is class

‘Well worth five stars’


Give my ego a rub,

Or I’ll make a fuss

Show you my disgust

Then tw*t you with my bust.

Everybody in the club

Thinks my act is lush,

And if they don’t it’s tough

‘You morons, just shut up!’


I wanna scream, and shout, and stick my tongue out,

Then make a face just like a trout,

And complement myself on my own wit,

And take a ‘selfie’ while I take a sh*t.

I wanna rant just like a five year old child.

You’ll know the meaning of ‘reviled’

Egos we are, we are, we are, we are


You are now, now f**king with

Hell.I.Am a crazy bitch’


Oh yeah [3x]


Tweet the action


You’re a troll, now she’s gonna lose all control

Nobody’s gonna tell her no,

To the limit she’s gonna go, go, go

Hey! Yo, if I need to I’ll take a loan,

I am not a David Brent clone

If you say so, this b*tch will blow, blow, blow


Hey! Yo, then she’ll blog and she’ll tweet some more

‘Till her fingers and thumbs are sore,

Just to prove she’s a Twitter bore, bore, bore

Hey! Yo, I’ve an office to hang around,

All my contacts have gone to ground,

‘Cause everywhere that we go it’s, tweet the action.


If you print out her stuff,

You can burn the shit up,

And then hope to f*ck,

She’ll give the writing up


When you read my stuff,

You’re gonna want to be sick,

‘The writing looks a bit….thick?’

‘I write with crayons, dick!’


The audience in the club

They looking at us

They laughing at us

I think I’m gonna ‘gush’


Now I’m looking for a job

So I’m starting to ‘fish’

That’s why I’m talking like this

‘You’re not seven, b*tch!’


I wanna tweet it out, and poke in my nose

To places it should never go,

We say, you arse, you arse, you arse, you arse,

We say, you arse, you arse, you arse, you arse,

I wanna tweet and shout, and let it all out

A total tw*t, without a doubt,

We say, you are, you are, you are, you are


‘You are now, now f*cking with

Hell.I.Am a crazy bitch


Oh yeah (x3)


It goes on, and on, and on and on

Since me and you got together

I wish my tweets went on forever

I’d persuade the world that your mind is better,

And maybe it goes on, and on, and on, and on

Now me and you are together,

I quite like living on, the ‘never-never, never, never, never, never, never, never’…..