Eleven minutes ago, the ‘breaking news’ in the Guardian newspaper was that North Korea had flopped some live shells into ‘disputed waters’ around the border with South Korea. South Korea, which, totally coincidentally, is currently holding joint military manoeuvres in the area with the United States, has sent several live shells of its own northwards. Military and political tension in the area is always elevated. North Korea looks to China for support; South Korea relies on the United States. It doesn’t take any great leap of imagination to suspect all of this could explode into World War III if Kim Jong-Un so much as blows a fart in anger in the direction of Seoul.

So in the interest of preparing myself for the prospect of nuclear devastation at any moment, I decided to have a look at the video the Guardian is running with the breaking news. Here we are, on the verge of nuclear annihilation and the destruction of the human race (at least as we know it) and as I sit on the edge of my seat waiting to hear the latest in the ‘who’s got the biggest c**k’ contest, I am met with……….an introductory thirty second advert trying to sell me a f**king Mazda6! You can apparently get it on 0% APR finance through Mazda Personal Contract Purchase, no minimum deposit (not available in the Channel Islands), although terms and conditions apply. The colours, and interior and exterior elements¬†may differ from the models shown. The MPG figures are purely for comparative purposes (ie f**king meaningless). It took my mind right off the impending nuclear holocaust. I must run out and buy one right now, while there’s still a f**king road to drive it on!

The Mazda6 was apparently ‘What Car Of The Year 2013’. If this s**t carries on in the Korean peninsular, I doubt any car is likely to be winning the award for 2014.