While I am on the subject of politics, does anyone remember May 1997? Yes, it was the month Tony Blair managed to fool the nation into believing he had something to offer that we hadn’t already seen. ‘Cool Britannia’, and all that crap. You have to take your hat off to Tony; he certainly knew how to hijack popular culture and appeal to the masses. As a snake oil salesman, he really took his profession to new heights (or depths).

Didn’t we all sing along to the anthem of the time, ‘Things Can Only Get Better’? Maybe that should have been ‘Things Can Only Get Bitter’. Anyway, my own belief is that David Cameron, as the self-professed ‘heir to Blair’ has really some way to go before he understands how popular culture can be harnessed to tap into the mood of the masses. Maybe it’s because he was educated at Eton. Okay, he tried to persuade us that he had heard of ‘The Smiths’ but didn’t that feel pretty awkward? He needs to ‘chillax’ a bit, and reinvent his image. I suggest he taps into the current music scene and considers using an icon of the moment as we move towards European elections in May 2014 and a General Election in 2015. My own suggestion is…….Miley Cyrus! Who better to team up with? Brash, crass, couldn’t give a f**k about anyone else, and totally insane! And, knowing the total lack of imagination inside Tory Party Central Office, I offer the following as a suggestion:

NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL POLITICS, 77

‘WE CAN’T STOP’

(with extremely reluctant apologies to Miley Cyrus)

The Tory party, we can do what we want
It’s our party we can say what we want (Like Will Hague)
It’s our party we can screw who we want,
We can piss on who we want,
We can kiss Jeremy Hunt,

Pickles’ D cups and sweaty bodies everywhere
Fiddling our expenses like we just don’t care
‘Cause we came here to have so much fun now
Who needs majorities? We got the Lib’ral Ds.

Want the real economy to grow?
Can I get a ‘hell, no’? (Hell, no!)
You think a front bench millionaire
Has a single ounce of empathy left to spare?

So la da di da di
Screw democracy!
Thanks to Lib’ral Ds
We do whatever we want
This is our House
This is our rules

And we can’t stop
And we won’t stop
Until we’ve crucified the poor
And screwed the sweaty masses to the floor

And we can’t stop
And we won’t stop
We run things simply to improve our wealth
And f**k up the last of the National Health
Yeah Yeah

It’s our party we can do what we want
It’s our party you can take a running jump
It’s our party you can kiss our ass
Who cares about the mass?
A party for the upper class?

Cameron may only have the judgement
Of a huge bag of wet cement
But we rely on Nick Clegg
Like a horny dog hangin’ on the PMs leg
A whiff of power and he’ll try to please,
Opposes then supports tuition fees
Then he apologised
Cos soon he’ll need your vote, ‘well you never should’ve lied’

So la da di da di
It’s fun to be Tory
Why practice what we preach?
When we can get whatever we want
This is our House
This is our rules

And we can’t stop
And we won’t stop
We are now totally free
To f**k up what’s left of the country
Yeah Yeah

And we can’t stop
And we won’t stop
Until workhouses are brought back,
Along with red hot pokers and the rack

It’s our party, there’s a bank for your food!
It’s our party, if you’re poor then you’re screwed
It’s our party, you’re all smelly and thick
We can spy in your home
And pretend we didn’t know.

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