Isn’t the world now just full of wannabe comedians? Everywhere you turn there seems to be someone who just feels the overwhelming need to pick up a microphone, hit the stage on an ‘Open Mic Night’ and let the world know just how funny they are. Or not, as the case may be. These people frankly need to be rounded up ‘en masse’ and taken to a deportation centre pending transportation to somewhere they can be isolated from the rest of humanity, and where they can feast on their own egos until the end of time.

‘NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL CRAP, 97’ (Track 6)

 APPLAUSE

(with apologies to Lady Gaga)

 

I stand here waiting in case you bang the gong,

The crappy critics who say I have been on stage too long

How can they fail to notice the way that I excel in wit?

The greatest thing since sliced bread, a genius, I am ‘the shit’

 

I live for the applause, applause, applause,

I feed on the attention, nobody else deserves a mention

My jokes are a total masterpiece

Need applause, applause applause.

 

Give me the thing that I love, (it’s called money!)

Cos’ every one of my jokes are more than funny.

You’re gonna split at your sides, dissolve with laughter

You want a lick at my shoes? It’s what you’re after.

 

I’ve overheard it said I’m an attention freak.

But that’s just total bullshit, money’s what I seek!

It’s true there’s none left over when the month is at its end.

My theory really is that, what I earn I’m gonna spend (and more!)

 

I live for the applause, applause, applause,

A legend in my own mind; if you cannot see it, you’re blind.

My jokes will go down in history

More applause, applause, applause.

 

The personification of true perfection.

Self-made, no need for anything like natural selection.

Don’t try to tell me I’m wrong, you’re just a minion

God calls me ten times a day, for my opinion.

 

I live for the applause, applause, applause,

I love my own reflection, I give myself divine protection

They pay me for my autograph,

Need applause, applause, applause.

 

I have a hotline to Rome, I am the Pope’s crutch,

Next week I’m healing the sick, with only one touch.

Jesus just doesn’t compare, He died just one time.

You die each time you’re on stage, with an act like mine.

 

Ooh…I’m touched, I’m touched,

Touched now, touched now

ooh ooh hoo hoo…….

ooh ooh hoo hoo………

ooh ooh hoo hoo……..

 

I live for the applause, applause, applause,

My jokes are gonna kill yer, pray to the Messiah, ‘Hill yeah!’

World acclaim’s waiting at my door,

More applause, applause, applause.

 

Give me the thing that I love, or there’ll be drama,

I’m more important that President Obama.

Don’t pay a penny for love, although I oughta

Who gives a toss, when you can walk on water?

 

Copyright: Romperredes

 

(Also available on iTunes)

 

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